“Humble thyself in the sight of the Lord.
And He shall lift you up.”

I’ve been a little M.I.A. lately.

For the last three months I’ve been helping plan a women’s retreat as a team leader through my church. It’s been the most amazing and humbling experience I’ve ever been through. My team consisted of some of the most joyful, faithful, loyal, kind, and beautiful women I’ve ever met. I feel so blessed to have worked with them.

I went on the same retreat last year as a participant and it was also a wonderful experience. Both retreats taught me about humility in different ways.

Last year the retreat was something I needed for myself spiritually to reconnect with the Lord. I wondered in which ways the retreat was going to affect me; was it going to be something for me to become closer to God, or was it going to be the kind of thing where I make a lot of friends and connect with the women really well?

The theme of the retreat was womanhood and being daughters of God. We talked about what being a mother and wife meant to us. I felt envious of the women who talked about how they loved being a mom and how they have close relationships with their kids. I remember one woman stood up and said, “My daughter is my best friend.” I couldn’t relate to that one bit. I realized this retreat was for me; to reconnect with God. I was excited to to have some quiet one-on-one time with Him and to be away from my family for a few days.

At the time my kids were 5, 4, and 2. They all have autism and other disabilities. Motherhood was really hard for me. Most of the time I just felt like their caregiver. It was nice for me to get away for a weekend and to have that break away from my kids. My home life was and still is stressful. I don’t get a whole lot of time to myself.

At one point during the retreat we did Stations of the Cross through Mary’s eyes. That really resonated with me and was my favorite part of the weekend. I started having a better relationship with Mary a year ago, because I feel like I can relate to her. I figured she’s probably the best person who understands what I go through with my kids. She also watched her child suffer.

During prayer time I asked God how I could be more like Mary and how I can enjoy motherhood like my retreatmates do. I heard Him tell me that I needed to humble myself. I needed to meet my kids where they are and be more patient with them. I needed to come down to their level and be more empathetic.

I immediately think of the song “Humble Thyself In The Sight of the Lord.” Christ humbled himself around so many people. He never tried to act bigger than anyone else or treated anyone poorly. He met them at their level, which is what I needed to do with my kids.

This year as a leader I humbled myself to serve the women coming on the retreat. The want to serve was something I knew I wanted to do right after experiencing Stations of the Cross. I had a desire to share with other women what I experienced on the retreat.

I also knew I wanted to give a talk and share my story. When I was chosen I was so excited. I was confident going in assuming my talk was going to be about my family and what we’ve been through the last six years. I thought it would be easy.

I ended up sharing something that I went through in college that was very traumatic. Talking about my family would have been easy for me. But God was forcing me to be humble and open up about something I had never shared before with anyone. I’ve never known humility in a vulnerable way like that before. After my talk I had a beautiful moment with God in my room where I cried tears of happiness, healing, and relief. It was the closure I was looking for from 12 years ago.

Answering God’s call to help plan and serve the women on the retreat was so fruitful. I’ve been on so many retreats as a participant in high school and a few after college, but I’ve never been on the planning side of it. It was such a different experience. It was amazing to see all our ideas and talents come to fruition. Sometimes in motherhood our work doesn’t get recognized or acknowledged. It was fun to do something for me, while also serving others at the same time. A truly humbling experience.