I recently had my own autism evaluation done on myself. With all three of my kids on the spectrum, I was curious to see if it was a part of me too. It got me thinking about my childhood and made me wonder why I did certain things. I was on a waitlist for 8 months with the developmental pediatrics department through our children’s hospital.
Once it was my turn, I had to do a number of tests over a three-day period including an IQ test. The tests involved a lot of puzzles, patterns, and numbers. There was a lot of questions about medical history and family background. It was a lot like when my kids were being evaluated. The psychologists who evaluated me knew after the first session I didn’t have autism. They knew after I mentioned I loved being around people, and that I’ve always been involved in different social groups like Bible study and now my support group that I started.
The last session we talked a lot about mental health. I’d never struggled with my mental health until recently. We discovered it started to decline 6 years ago after Nicholas was born. The life I imagined for my son and later his siblings was nothing like I had planned. Having three kids on the spectrum and other special needs is very hard.
I was diagnosed with Unspecified Depressive Disorder, meaning I don’t fit the criteria for a specific disorder. This is a place I never thought I’d be. I was a very happy kid during my childhood. I didn’t understand how people could be depressed. I get it now. This life is hard. It’s a scary place to be. But the important part is that it’s OK. It’s OK to be here. It’s scary because it’s unfamiliar.
What’s also important is that I get the help I need. Asking for help. Something I used to struggle with. Something that used to signify weakness in my eyes. I don’t want to bother people with my problems. But I needed to do something. For my sanity I had to not care what people thought.
Right now, I’m going through an 8-week program through my work where they provide you with a therapist and life coach. I’m about halfway through and it’s really helping.
While the end result of that evaluation wasn’t what I was expecting, I appreciate them continuing with me even though they knew I don’t have autism. They used their time to help me bring my struggles to light, so that I could get the help I need. I need to care of myself so I can take care of my kids. Asking for help doesn’t make you weak. It highlights your deepest strength.
May is Mental Health Awareness Month. I want to help stop the negative stigma that talking about mental health is bad, or struggling with mental health is wrong. It’s not either of those things. It’s hard to talk about, but it needs to be discussed more. Our mental health is important.