The holidays are upon us and while it’s an exciting time, it can also be stressful and overstimulating for kids with special needs. Loud noises and big crowds don’t bode well for three little ones who are oversensitive to a lot of things. Understanding our family’s limits have helped us the past couple of years in managing the holiday season. Here are some ways we conquer the madness of December:

1. Drive separately — Sometimes my husband and I will split up our family if there’s a certain event one of us wants to go to. Or one of us will arrive early at our host’s house, while the other will come later. Or someone isn’t ready to leave yet. For a long time we only had one car, so we couldn’t ever do this. Just recently, we got another car and we’ve been taking advantage of being able to take two cars. When kids are sleeping, melting down, eating, or whatever else, the two cars have come in handy. It also relieves stress on us parents, not just the kids. Sometimes it’s good for our family to separate for a little while. Plus our kids love the one-on-one time with us.
2. Leave early — My daughter Grace has bad night terrors if we don’t get her into bed by 8p.m. We’re not afraid to leave an event early to do what’s best for our family. I also know after two hours of being somewhere, a meltdown will happen, or people will start getting tired. I make sure to plan ahead and know when the main event will take place so we can be there for the important part. We’ve gotten good at gathering our things in a hurry in order to leave when we need to.
3. Decline invitations — We absolutely can’t go to everything. It’s too much for us. Sometimes we have to turn down invitations and that’s OK. If we know the event is during naptime or too late in the evening, it’s probably not the best for us to attend. Also, if our kids are having a bad day they are not going to be in the greatest mood to go anywhere. Nicholas used to be really sensitive to new places. He’s gotten a lot better, but he used to have anxiety when going somewhere unfamiliar to him. If we believe he won’t be able to handle it, we kindly decline.
4. Bring help — We try to bring an extra adult with us as much as we can. It’s really helpful for us when we can be just one-on-one with a kid. Nicholas and Grace are pretty attached to my husband and me, while Daniel can pretty much be with anyone. When it’s a family event, we’re thankful to have many helpful hands, plus everyone likes to play with the kids.
5. We pick our battles — I know that 90% of the time that we are at someone else’s house, my son Daniel is probably not going to eat. So, that’s probably not going to be the best time to introduce new foods, nor is it the best time to fight with him about what he will eat. If he wants his PediaSure and only his PediaSure, I’m going to give it him. I’m not going to argue with my 3-year-old on Christmas. We pick our battles because their happiness is important, as well as my sanity.

The holidays can be difficult, but these things have really helped immensly. Driving separately and leaving early have helped us get out of a lot of binds. We decline invites or bring someone else with us. We pick our battles with certain things around the holidays. We want to have a good time without too many tantrums. We’re grateful for a support system that understands our family’s needs.