One of our goals this year is trying not to be so hard on our kids. We want to be aware of their potential of being able to do things on their own and add more positive reinforcement into our family life.

We often expect too much from our son Daniel. He’s 2 years old, neurotypical, and capable of doing a lot of things on his own. He can entertain himself, walk on his own, talks like a 2-year-old, and can feed himself.

His older brother Nicholas is 3.5 years old and has Autism. He needs a lot of attention, and help with most of his daily skills. Nicholas is non-verbal, doesn’t walk on his own, has separation anxiety, and receives most of the attention from my husband and me.

Because of Nicholas’ needs, I think we sometimes treat Daniel like he’s an adult and as if he should know better when he does something wrong. I think we’re too hard on him and expect a lot from him, because there are things he can do that his brother isn’t able to yet.

Daniel may be ahead of Nicholas developmentally but we have to remember that he’s still only 2 years old and he’s still going to act like a 2-year-old no matter how we talk to him. He’s still very young and doesn’t understand a lot of things himself either. Just like Nicholas, he also needs help with things.

And even though Nicholas gets most of our attention, Daniel deserves it as well. He needs to be loved just like his brother does. We love all our kids so much. Sometimes we don’t give Daniel our full attention and we’re trying to improve by taking him out to do more things one-on-one with me or my husband.

We’re also trying to be more positive when we talk with Daniel. Instead of telling him not to do something, we’re trying to explain to him why by turning it into positive reinforcement. We’re trying to help him communicate with us and express his needs in the moment.

I also think that at times we’re so busy focusing on the things Nicholas’ struggles with, and we miss out on the things he can do. We’re surprised when he does something new, when really he’s been capable this whole time. We think, because he has Autism, it means he will need help with everything, when he doesn’t. He’s capable just like Daniel. He’s smart just like Daniel. Nicholas may need more help but he’s definitely capable of learning new skills.

We want to recognize our kids’ potential and be more aware of their capabilities and triumphs. We have to treat our children like the kids they are and not expect so much from them, be more positive and understanding and give them the attention and love they deserve.

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